This really isn't about poop.

We all got a great laugh when we discovered that there was a childrens book called Everyone Poops. Hell, I even purchased a copy of it based on sheer principal. If I had a coffee table, this masterpiece of literature would surely be resting on top of it quietly along with my other non-existant coffee table books. While the act of pooping is a lot more serious than the book denotes the whole idea is to get kids to think to themselves "hey, if ducks can poop, then it's totally badass."

Liberal activists appear to be trying the same kind of approach with a new book aimed at youngsters called The Down To Earth Guide To Global Warming. Targeted at ages 8 and up, the book is described as "the comprehensive resource young readers can look to for understanding why global warming happens and how we can work together to stop it." This is just a tad ridiculous if you ask me, but not the least bit suprising.

Last year the National Teachers Association rejected 50,000 copies of Al Gore's global warming documentary An Inconvienient Truth. Apparently, even teachers knew that kids weren't going to latch onto Al Gore's flaccid personality and go running down the halls joyously proclaiming their new found passion for the eradication of global warming and its evil, wretched, counterpart.........DUN DUN DUN!!!!! Conservative ideology.

The woman who wrote this childrens global warming book (Laurie David, the wife of Seinfield creator Larry David) is so far to the god damn left that if Joseph Stalin came barging into the whitehouse claming he was "the new guy in charge." she would probably get down on her knees and start sucking his dick. This book is nothing more than a ploy to frighten children into believing the world is going to end in the next 5 years unless they get out there and start becoming activists. I always admired my parents for not getting mixed up with the whole "peace/love/save the whales, lets spit on the Vietnam War vets when they get home" crowd and the last thing we need is another generation of people like that. All I can hope for is a happy medium.

An Evening of Hong Kong blood opera.

This is quite possibly the best 19 bucks I have ever spent. If your only experience with John Woo is his watered down American movies then you really need to dig up some of his Hong Kong stuff. A Better Tomorrow was the movie that catapulted John Woo and Chow Yun Fat into the spotlight and while the sequel is much better and has a way higher bodycount it was still interesting to see where John Woo began his action career. This boxed set comes with both movies (8 Hours later I am still blown away by the final action scene in the sequel).

Like I said, the sequel is way more violent than its predecessor but the best part is that John Woo's subsequent action movies only get more intense from there like for example, Hard Boiled, which has a bodycount of around 300. These movies are definitely man business, so don't plan on watching them on the first date with your best gal, unless of course she has a fetish for bullet riddled bodies.

Saturday Night Fever

I have a simple request to whoever gets elected president in 2008. Please pass a law that would make it a crime for any person over the age of 18 to purchase/wear/sell/barter/ Nightmare Before Christmas merchandise. I was in K-Mart the other day buying a coffee maker when I saw at least two women of questionable age for wearing merchandise from a CHILDRENS movie decked out in Nightmare Before Christmas tee-shirts and jewlery. They looked pretty single to me, "Gee I wonder why!!!!" Unless you consider the internet relationship each one of them probably has with the 33 year old Magic: The Gathering fans down the street a relationship.

Whats even more annoying is that this wasn't even remotely an isolated incident. This movie has generated a cult-like following that rivals Star Trek fans. I don't know about any of you guys but I actually know a few hot girls who really like Star Trek a lot and I know zero attractive girls who like The Nightmare Before Christmas A LOT. Before you raise questions regarding my credibility on this topic let me notify you that I worked at a Hot Topic that sold a considerable amount of Nightmare Before Christmas merchandise. For over a year I was constantly forced to listen to 30 year old women incoherently babbling on about how Jack Skellington is such a great character, and about how they can draw many similarities between the movie and their own lives. If you are that age and you have to live vicariously through a CHILDRENS movie, then your life was probably over before you were conceived. We need to weed these people out before they decide to mow people down at the post office or before they get enough internet petitions to convince Tim Burton to make a sequel.