It's been a while since I've written in this thing. Not that anyone gives a flying shit, but I am going to start this blog back up again. With that said it is with great joy that I am able to express my frustration and utter confusion with Apple Computers.
A few months ago I decided that I was going to get "cosmopolitan" and purchase a Macbook. My PC was slowly beginning to function about as well as a Yugoslavian automobile so I made the decision to retire the old gal, my trusty Toshiba Satellite. A month beforehand I also purchased a new 80 Gig Ipod. To make a long story short, the day after I purchased my Macbook I had to take it back to the store because it wouldn't even turn on and my Ipod is now dead after 3 months. The Macbook was finally listed as "DOA" after the staff finally pulled their heads out of their asses (which prompted them to give me a new one, which I promptly turned down and got my money back, forcing me to order a used one from a private seller) and I haven't even brought the Ipod into the Mac store yet to utilize the warranty. Aside from my frustration about their awful customer service and less than stellar products I noticed a few things while I was in the Mac store waiting for this problem to get solved.
On the day I brought my "DOA" macbook back into the Mac Store in Ardmore PA I spent close to two hours there while they jerked me around. I noticed a few different kinds of people.
1. The XXXXtreme Window Shoppers.
These people weren't there just to glance at a few items and leave, they were there to walk around and hang out like they were in a fucking coffee shop. There were a few people who were in the Mac Store for the ENTIRE time I was struggling with the customer service. These people would poke around, look at things, and giggle like they were in some sort of futuristic, magical, Logan's Run-esque fantasy land. By the looks on their faces, one could have made the assumption that they were looking at a towering homerun, or even a priceless work of art, but no, they were looking at a bunch of SHIT they could have stayed at home to look at!. It wasn't enough for these vapid, soulless slack-jawed yokels to just look either, they had to touch and fuck around with every single piece of merchandise in the entire store, 5 times over. This experience has me convinced that if Apple started charging admission to enter Mac stores there would be more than enough assholes who would gladly pay it and then brag to all of their friends, like they had just spent a day at Magic Mountain. These are the types of people who would leave their infant locked in a car on a hot summer day with the windows up just so they could wait in line for 5 hours to buy the new Iphone.
2. Gotta bro down with the mac employees dudes, dudes
Now, these people wouldn't stay for hours, but they would bug the living fuck out of the employees with their banal anecdotes and retarded questions. It's no fucking suprise that the customer service sucks so bad, because these idiots come into the store and their idiocy becomes contagious. It sucks the life out of these fine employees. For some reason, as soon as people walk into the Mac Store, they automatically think that due to their undying love for mac products, they share some kind of half-assed kindred spirit with everyone who works in the mac store. Sorry guy, but I don't think Molly and Carl over at the IPOD learning center want to talk to you about how when you go on trips you take pictures of your IPOD in front of famous monuments. These people are college students trying to make money for beer and cocaine, not psychologists who are there to offer you peace of mind in your all to often moments of blind consumerism. To these individuals the chain of command goes as follows.
-Mac Store employee
- God
- The Incredible Hulk
3. The "i'm too dumb to fix it on my own at home" guy
These guys aren't nearly as bad, and I speak from experience because I can't fix every single problem that comes along with my computer either. However there is a difference between coming into the store with a legitimate problem, and dragging along your entire G5 just because you want to look cool in front of everyone while you get the latest version of some program installed. Also, these Mac store employee's aren't supermen, they aren't going to fix all of your problems for you. These customers swagger into the store, frantically fumbling about with their computers like they've never turned the damn things on in their lives and then they sit in awe as their computers are getting worked on like they just got laid for the first time. I was prepared to hear the following exchange of words and it would not surprise me if this sort of thing is a regular occurrence.
"I took this everywhere but nobody could fix it, can you fix it mr mac mechanic?????"
"Um, sir, this is a muffler"
"I DON'T CARE JUST FIX IT!!!"
When I bring my Ipod in this week to get it replaced I am hoping the place will be empty, but unfortunately there is no way in hell that will ever be the case.